Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
