i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
