dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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