i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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