What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize