What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
