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• (480): View more from Arizona

  I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.

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• (858): View more from California

  He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards

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