what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
