Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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