You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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