Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
