whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
