Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
