dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize