I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
