Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
