Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
