The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
