Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
