you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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