You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
not ubering you a puppy
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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