im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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