where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
