what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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