id be glad to
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
