you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
