I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
