The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
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