just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
