Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We left an ass print on the piano.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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