I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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