I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
