So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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