There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
