So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
