TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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