The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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