Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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