sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
