The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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