First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
