when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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