i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
