still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
