I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
sex in a hospital.. check
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
