My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
