i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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