please come you make the beer taste better
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
