I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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