no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
