you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
