Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
