Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
They have beer where we have blood.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
