ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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