I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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