you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
