No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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