sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think I just sharted jello shots
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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