where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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