My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
