I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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