We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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