whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
