I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
